RAW EMOTIONS.

Mornings made of these priceless memories are what I am forced to live through these days. The sound of your breath on my neck is so loud that my nose has grown numb to the aroma of caramel that I have always craved.

Insomnia stopped being just lack of sleep. To me, it's a feeling, one that is made of desires. At 2am, I will wish to pick up my phone and call you. I would plan out each word and every sigh in between. At 3am, I would think of how much you mean to me, how long it would take me to reach you. I would wish for heavens to gift me wings even just for the hour.
At 4am, I would picture the day you left. The pain of watching you go scares me out of sleep. My desire has always been to replay that moment, that particular minute.

I do not just desire these things, I crave them. I toss and turn and ache for them with spiders underneath my skin, begging me to get up and get you.

I would take a deep breath, shut my eyes and mumble a prayer. It will soon be morning. For a second, a thought that hanging out with friends would cross my mind, silently hoping that it would rid me off this loneliness.

And when it's light again, I will swallow the sadness with my bitter coffee. The pills in my stomach will cushion its fall. Then sit in silence not expecting to be broken, as I let the thoughts of my flaws bury me.

This is not beautiful, this is a battle. I feel like half a soul.
Forgive me Lord, for I will sin.