“MY MASK IS PERFECT”

Slowly falling into a darkness,

Where hope does not thrive.

These thought and emotions are consuming me,

Leaving me battered, bruised and broken.

There are too many pieces,

I can’t be fixed.

The dark lies still around me,

All I can hear is my own breath.

At what point does one decide that enough is enough?

My life has been toxic.

A life of a monstrous existent.

Hearing the falling stars,

Deep within the darkness.

My heart’s echoing with every pound.

Trying to rest, laying slowly.

Waiting for death to take me.

Ending this anguish of a life!

I spit in the face of pain!

Then cry afterwards…

Heavens forgive me,

If I know too much,

To fit in the confines of the box you made me.

Forgive me,

If I said too much,

To stretch and tear your work.

But I seem too flexible.

Too incompatible for my own portrait.

Just smile, I was told, it will take a while-

Yet that while prolonged an enduring trap.

Just smile, I was told, it will be alright-

But that alright meant transformed overnight.

Just smile, forget about it all!

But I knew better…

That the pain was going to stay.

It was going to get worse day after day.

Because that smile meant more than just happiness.

This smile I tell you, masked the enduring knowledge of me.

Sleeping next to bitter-sweet memories’

Of reversed recordings and taunting flash-forwards.

For which I grabbed on like desperate lovers,

Wailing to the basin of their throats

Begging for more, the possibilities that so eagerly enrage in my heart…

This smile…

This smile I wore hid the longing fate!